


Magic Tricks and Death Threats - a normal day for Corporal J Jensen

by Saral_Hylor



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Cougar is pervy, Death Threats, Jensen talks far too much, M/M, Magic Tricks, Prompt Fic, Roque is mean, There may or may not be evil children involved, When all else fails take comfort in video game characters and bobble headed dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saral_Hylor/pseuds/Saral_Hylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mission was completed and they were in a village waiting to be picked up. To entertain the children, the Losers started up some games and magic tricks. </p>
<p>Then Roque wanted to step things up a notch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic Tricks and Death Threats - a normal day for Corporal J Jensen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cougars_catnip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cougars_catnip/gifts).



> Prompt fic from Cougars_catnip. Again, I kind of missed the point. I actually failed to input any real magic tricks in there, but I just couldn't write that, so we ended up with this instead. 
> 
> Dear CC, please enjoy!
> 
> Unbeta'd. Hope there aren't too many mistakes.

“I think it’s time to ramp it up a bit, don’t you reckon kids?”

The maniacal smile on Roque face said that it was anything but a good idea; the dangerous glint in his eyes as he zeroed his gaze in on the hacker also told Jensen that putting as many people between him and the demolitions expert would be beneficial to his health.

“What you got in mind Mr Roque?” A little girl with no front teeth asked, smiling innocently up at him.

“Well, I reckon, if we find a box big enough, we put Jensen, that big blond idiot over there, in it, and then I can cut him in half.” Roque smirked at the blond who was trying to inconspicuously back away, as a mixture of cheers and shocked gasps rose from the small crowd that had accumulated.

As if by magic itself, the long haired sniper suddenly reappeared, putting himself in front of the team’s tech and comms specialist, glaring at Roque from beneath the brim of his hat.

Some of the more enthusiastic older children had started up a chant of encouragement, vying for the magic trick to happen.

Jensen tried to hide behind Cougar, hands gripping his shoulders desperately, ducking down so his head was level with the sniper’s neck. “Bloodthirsty little monsters! They’re trying to kill me Cougs, please don’t let them kill me! I’m too pretty to die!”

Cougar simply reached one hand around and patted the younger man on the hip, keeping his gaze on the SIC, raising one eyebrow as if to dare Roque to make a move. He could feel Jensen breathing against the side of his neck, and could almost hear the smug grin that he’d be giving their knife wielding team mate; sometimes that blond just never knew when to quit. He’d push Roque buttons until it got to the point where knives where drawn, or guns pulled and brandished in the direction of the youngest team member. This would result in Cougar having to step in to prevent the hacker from getting hurt. Really, he asked for it most of the time, but the sniper just could not let any harm become of the younger man; there was just something about Jensen that was rather endearing.

“Why did we have to get stuck in a town where all the children are as crazy as Roque? It’s like Children of the Corn, or Omen. They are all little evil Omen babies. Damien one to thirty. They are all going to chop me up and think it’s all funny, and I’ll be dead, Cougar, D.E.A.D. dead!” Jensen was still going, muttering only loud enough for the sniper to hear, carefully keeping him between himself and everyone else. “It was supposed to be card tricks. Card tricks and a whole lot of fun, and now Roque is trying again to cut me in half! Don’t let him, Cougs, I’m no good to you in pieces. This hacker should come in one whole, and handsome piece, all extremities and internal organs are a must. No optional subtractions there. Options are not optional.”

Cougar turned his head slightly, smirking at the hacker. “If I get the bottom half, I will not mind. It talks less.”

Jensen jerked away from him, crossing his arms over his chest and giving the sniper the best kicked puppy look he could muster. “You are a cruel man, Carlos Alvarez. I thought you were on my side. You’re supposed to be my best friend, therefore, by default, you are meant to back me up and keep the crazy people from inflicting bodily harm upon me. You are not supposed to conspire against me, or agree to their mad schemes.”

Taking a few steps back, he picked up his pack, shrugging it onto one shoulder, glaring at the whole team and the crowd of giggling children who’d been watching the whole exchange. “Screw the lot of you, I’m going to go hang out in the car with Mojito and Lara Croft, at least they won’t threaten to chop me in half or mess around with my head.”

Cougar watched, slightly puzzled as the techie stormed off, realising that Jake was being deliberately overly dramatic, and that he’d be back as soon as he was bored or lonely. It was just how the hacker was; especially when he was trying to guilt the sniper into following him to make sure he was okay. It usually worked. Cougar put it down to the over protectiveness he felt for the blond. That, of course, had nothing to do with insistent flirting; but Cougar assured himself that he flirted with everyone who would put up with it, and watching Jensen squirm was always fun.

“Who the fuck is Lara Croft?” Clay’s voice broke through Cougar’s thoughts.

“A video game character.” Pooch called out, not looking up from where he was playing ‘noughts and crosses’ with three kids who had ganged on him and didn’t play by the rules.

Clay looked at Cougar, the sniper just shrugged, picking up the cards that Jensen had discarded earlier and shuffling them. Roque just growled, sheathing the knife that no one had noticed he’d taken out.

Clay sighed exasperatedly. “Roque, no threatening to cut Jensen in half, you don’t know how to do magic. Cougar, whatever that was, fix it.”

The sniper raised both eyebrows questioningly, giving his CO his best ‘who me?’ look.

Clay shook his head, narrowing his eyes. “You upset him, you fix it. We ship out at eighteen hundred. I need my comms technician to be ready and waiting to make the necessary calls. I don’t need him sulking and playing computer games.”

Cougar gave a curt nod and a hasty salute, a simple brush of an extended finger across the brim of his hat, before turning and following in the footsteps of the elusive hacker. Clay’s tone of voice had been a clear indication that the fun and games of the morning where over and that they were back to business as usual.

He got back to the sorry excuse for transport that Pooch had wrangled up for them, yet another van. The driver certainly did seem to have a thing for vans. The back doors were open and he could see one of Jensen’s legs hanging down. Walking around the back, Cougar found the hacker leaning against one side, one leg stretched out across the doorway, laptop resting on his thigh, the other leg hanging out the door, boot scuffing at the dirt. The blond didn’t look up, simply stared harder at his laptop, taping away furiously at the keys, code appearing on the screen in a jumble of letters and symbols and random words that made no sense whatsoever to the sniper. Evidently, Lara Croft was not the cure all for homicidal team mates.

Cougar waited, he was patient, and he knew that if he just stood there long enough the younger man would eventually break and say something. One thing he knew for sure about Jensen was that he hated the quiet; if there was a way to make noise, he’d make it.

When a few minutes had ticked past and the hacker was still ignoring him, Cougar dragged his other leg out of the van and sat in the place it had recently been occupying. Jensen simply wiggled around a bit so he was sitting with both legs outside the van, laptop shifted to rest next to him.

Not liking the fact that he was being ignored, Cougar reached over and pushed the laptop screen until it was at an angle Jensen could no longer see, but not completely closing it.

Blue eyes flickered up to meet his, narrowed in a glare. “Traitorous fiend.”

Cougar sighed, shifting a little closer to the hacker, bumping their knees together, giving Jensen his best apologetic look, waiting for the younger man to just cave and forgive him. He always did.

Jensen mimicked his sigh, shutting his laptop properly, slipping it back into the protective pocket of his pack. He jostled his knee against the sniper’s, giving him a sheepish smile. “You’re a jerk, you know that. You’re supposed to be on my side. I mean, sure, you don’t always have to agree with me, but serious, siding with Roque, that’s just low.”

Cougar shrugged, tipping his hat back slightly so Jensen could see his whole face, trying his best to look innocent. It wasn’t that he had agreed with Roque, as such, and he’d certainly never let anyone cut Jensen in half, magic trick or not. Not that telling the hacker that he really wanted to bend him over the back on the van and… yeah, he wasn’t going to continue that thought, in case Jensen picked up on the slightly predatory look in his eyes. Now was certainly not the time or place.

“I get that I talk too much, but honestly, I thought you liked that bout me.” Jensen slid out of the back of the van, dragging his pack with him, starting back towards the others. Without looking back, he threw a comment out there, as though it was no big deal, “Though if you only took the bottom half, you’d be missing out on the things other than talking that I can do with my mouth.”

Cougar stared at the hacker’s hastily retreating back. What. The. Fuck? There was stuff that they had to talk about when they got off mission.

Or, probably, more importantly, they could skip the talking altogether.


End file.
